Feeling bad

Stepped on the scale today and my weight is up by about 3 pounds. Where did that come from? I guess maybe I've been grazing too much. No more of that. I bought these awesome new (red) small salad plates with a Japanese motiff and i'm going to use those from now on as my official dinner plate. If its not on that plate, it doesn't get ate...

Also I've been hitting the carbs pretty hard for the last week. Time to put an end to that.


I really need to start tracking my water. I know I'm dehydrated. The lump in my throat makes it not fun to swallow but I have to do better on this front.

I showered last night and couldn't believe the amount of hair that came from my head. It's so alarming. You can't tell yet on me but still it is very concerning and makes one feel bad even though it was expected. I am having a very rough day today.

Re..Re. Reguritation

Talk about head hunger. I think I really noticed it last night. I was so hungry and am so sick of what I have recently been eating that I decided to order out. I purchased A LOT of food last night. I knew I'd only be able to have a single bite of each thing I ordered (buffalo shrimp, mashed potatoes, pasta, fried cheese/brocolli bites) but old habits kicked in and I ordered what I wanted. I didn't even make it to opening the pasta as I threw up three times last night. I would eat, throw up, eat some more, throw up...three times. WTH is wrong with me.

Today I did better so far. I had a few of the shrimp this morning and didn't throw up. I've been seriously craving a really great tuna sandwich recently so I ran out to pita pit at lunch. On the way back to work I had 3 or maybe 4 normal bites and then put the rest of the thing in the fridge at work. So far so good. No throwing up.

Bad me I also bought a diet coke. I know, no carbonated beverages, but I wanted one so I did it. I have yet to drink it.

Upcoming endoscopy

So I am having some complications apparently. I just figured these things were part of the process, but my Dr. thinks that at 7 weeks post-op RYN, I shouldn't be having these problems. My biggest compliant is this feeling like I have a golf ball in the back of my throat. It doesn't hurt but it is annoying and it causes me to not want to eat or drink anything. It's just a constant lump. I remember having this feeling before when I had a hiatial hernia - which somehow just went away at some point in my life.

Also, I have this pain whenever I eat or drink anything..it feels like when it hits my pouch, that I have just swallowed a handful of razorblades. It's so uncomfortable. It definately helps with curbing the appetite. So endoscopy here I come..June 13. I hope my insurance covers this.

Dreaded Scale

Day 4 of this stall I seem to be in. Time for more protein and water and to start exercising. This weekend I will do good on all fronts and I will weigh in on Monday to see where I am at. I really think I need to stay off the scale more than I am..it's slowly driving me insane. I thought the weight would be flying off of me, but it isn't. This is the longest stall I've had so far. Most days I weigh the same two days in a row, then show a loss. Not right now and it's greatly affecting my mood. Someone had work yesterday said to me "when was the last time you lost 30 pounds in 6 weeks?" so yes, I should be happy and I am, I just want more. I feel like I'm killing myself - feeling sick all the time, just plain not feeling well, feeling like I'm swallowing razor blades when i eat or drink - for no progress on the scale. Some people have these stalls go on for weeks!

Stalled?

How do you know when you are stalled when you are actually in it? How many days must you see the same number on the scale to make it a stall? This is day 3 of seeing 299.8. Yes I am happy that I am down 29.4 pounds since surgery 6 weeks ago. Yes I am happy that I hit twoterville this week. But shouldn't I be losing at a faster clip than I am?

Eating and drinking both make me feel sick to my stomach. Every single swallow hurts my belly. I know I am not taking in the needed protein numbers. I had a shake today to get that up a little bit. And I know my numbers for water are not good. Although I feel thirsty, it hurts to drink and I've lost my love of water. I guess I have no other choice other than to become even more in tune with "my numbers" than just my weight. I am going to have to start tracking protein and water. And maybe calories as well. I know they say if your calories drop too much, you stall. Is this where I am at? I can't wait to start seeing some bigger numbers. I really wanted to hit 40 pounds off in 8 weeks but that is looking like an impossibility. What to do ...what to do...

No tomatoes for me

Oh man I feel sick. 6 weeks now since surgery and today was the first day that I threw up at work. Let's see its about 3 days now since I hurled into an empty bag while driving. And I was so darn excited to be eating my own caprese salad made with mozzerella, tomatoes, and fresh basil. I ate at my desk and fought it off for a good 20 minutes or so before deciding to go outside and puke behind a bush. But I didn't make it that far. I belined for the restroom and waited until I was alone so I could throw up in peace and quiet. It felt like someone squeezed a tomato in my throat as I felt every seed and piece of skin come up. About 4 good heaves later and I was done. I think it was the skins. They were bothering me as I was eating them and yesterday with some grapes as well. Oh well, I shall try it again in a month.

Twoterville today

Today my weight dropped below 300 el.bees. I'm so happy that finally happened for me. I walked about a mile on Sat after I bought some spanking brand new running shoes. They were spiffy and left a spiffy blister on my poor foot. They went back to the store on Sunday where I returned the one pair and left with two. Go figure. Hopefully one of these pairs works out better for me. It's time to start walking. Last night I told myself I was too tired to go for that 30minute walk.



I felt like I could have cried when I stepped off that scale this morning. Finally. Progress. I haven't been this weight since around last July so this is a very good thing.


Also, this is was my Andy mourning weight. At 300 was the weight I was at the last time I was with him. I was so sad over the past year and eating made me feel better. Not really but it helped to pass the lonely time. Now my Andy mourning weight is off and I can concentrate on the next 10 pounds which is my art show weight. Last July I weighed 290 for my art show. I want to get this off in the next two weeks so that my 2 month post-surgery weight loss will be 40 el.bees. Wish me luck!

Hole no more

I went in for my 6 week check up today. I left feeling better than I have felt in the past 6 weeks. Time to start exercising at night. I can't wait. I figure if I start by walking during the week, and save my nightly call to my mom for my walk, it will motivate me to get moving each night. I'm almost down 30 pounds. So freaking close. I took a Ducolax last night and the damn dam broke wide open. Even had my very own "sharting" incident which may be TMI but I believe in full disclosure. Anywoo, the pound that I but on by eating corporate pizza was flushed away and I am at an all new post-surgery low. 300.4. So close to getting out of the 300's. So excited. I'm going to reward myself with a mani/pedi when I break through that barrier. I think I'll go for green toenails.... So the Dr. closed up my hole where my incision had decided to break open. One stitch was all it took. I'll start on a round of Cipro as well. No more super itchy band-aids covering the wholiest of holes. I'm feeling good.

Weight Gain

My god today I stepped on the scale and it was up .8 from yesterday. Yesterday work paid for lunch so I had one slice of meatsa meatsa pizza in two settings. It could have been from the pizza. It also could be from the fact that I haven't pooped in 2 days. Getting concerned about that now. I have to weigh in for the Dr. Kim show tomorrow and I wanted to be under 300. I'm so close to my first goal for myself. The weight loss is so damn slow right now though. I need to up my protein and start exercising and maybe those things will help.

The hard part is just beginning

I had my surgery one month ago. Time flies. As of today I am down 23.8 pounds. That's great news. I understand that 20 pounds is about average for RNY in the first month of recovery. My surgery went well. I had to have a second surgery the following day to deal with a pesky blood clot that was growing in my belly. Now I know what they mean when the say the belly is rigid. You could have bounced quarters off that thing that day. Seriously though, I could barely stand because I was so weak. They took me to imaging in a wheel chair and I couldn't stay awake during the ride. It was pretty bad. I didn't know I was slowly bleading out, only that I felt really lousy and tired. I am so grateful for my sister Cheryl. I don't know that I would have survived that week of hell without her being there. She slept in my room with me. Walked with me, rubbed my back and feet. Helped me out of bed every time. She was an angel. Thank you Cheryl. She even extended her stay by a few days to help me get on my feet at home. I was in the hospital having surgery on Monday and was released at noon on Friday. Since the surgery I have been in a moderate amount of pain. Hungry all the time and now that I am on soft foods I find that I want to eat more than I should. And so I throw it up. It's happened 5 or 6 times now. I just can't pass up that last bite and it all comes back up on me. What a drag to come this far and have that happen. I need to start moving my body some now that the pain is subsiding some. It'll help the weight come off and maybe it will tire me out to the point where I get a good nights sleep. Something that eludes me these days. Stay tuned to my progress. It really is a rollercoaster of a ride.

Encroaching

My date is coming up. Next Monday. 1 week from today. That is, if my surgeon says its ok. Instead of losing 30 pounds, I gained 15. Now I'm down about 10 of that. I'm really nervous that he is going to postpone the surgery. Two more nights without any sleep until I have a decision.

Cleared for surgery

I've got my cardiac clearance for surgery. My weight is up to around 340. (tied with Andy now). Now I have to get serious about losing weight before the surgery. My last meal was olive garden. I can't believe how much my mood has changed today. This is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm so excited right now. Things are finally moving when for weeks I felt like it was never going to happen for.

Now I get a surgery date, have to pay, blood work, chest x-ray, nutrition class. It's moving and shaking. Now I need to be to get some weight off so my fatty liver goes down a notch or two.

By the way, the Dr. told me today that I am pre-diabetic. I know that losing 10% of my body weight will help with that. Now I have a goal. 10% of my extra weight is about 20 pounds. Can I do that before my surgery date? Stay tuned.

New Scale

Altough I don't feel like I've lost any weight recently, my new bathroom scale (my old one died) registered in today at 320.6. This will be my new starting point. I want to get to 300 before the surgery.

Old list

I found an old list in a notebook of mine. Since I'm ready to ditch that notebook, I thought I'd copy my thoughts here instead.

* Not feel ashamed when taking an elevator
* Be able to take the stairs everyday
* Get off blood pressure medicine
* Buy clothes that fit me (instead of too big ones)
* Not feel self-conscious at the grocery store
* Get Jason to look at me (he does to everyone else)
* Fit in my awesome new biker clothes
* Not hide from the work kitchen group
* Have my awesome new biker clothes become too big
* Stop craving sweets
* Wear my leather skirt
* Wear my black and blue shirt
* Wear my tights
* Get rid of backfat
* Look nice in a tank top
* Wear high heels
* Make women jealous
* Get nice compliments
* Get rid of shelf ass
* Feel less self-conscious at the pool
* Be less afraid to do things alone

Liquids

I'm starting the Phase 2 diet tomorrow taking in only liquids and dairy starting tomorrow night. This should be good. I plan to go for 2 weeks on this. So far I haven't done so well on Phase 1 (basically cut your meals in half). I find I want to eat everything in sight since I know I will be giving this up after surgery.

Dr. Heart

I saw the cardiologist yesterday. He was a little on the arrogant side but overall pretty decent. I got the feeling that he's seen me in there before (my type), at my wits end, not knowing which way to turn for help to lose some weight, and hoping for a miracle cure. He gave me some shit about the band not working because of diet choices and asked me to explain the upcoming surgery to him. WTF. Whatever dude..desptie what you think I'm going to be the fucking poster child for gastric bypass surgery. That's right bitches. Go ahead and doubt me. It fuels the fire inside of me.

The First Five

So I'm down 5 pounds in 8 days on Nutrisystem. I'm trying to use up the box of food I have so when I have the surgery, I don't have a ton of it sitting around tempting me. Plus my tastes may change, so I hear, and I may not be able to eat the food at all so it'd be a huge waste of money. I found making all of these changes at once was just too damn hard so I'm doing it little by little. Here is a list:
* Eat less
* Drink 80 oz of water every day
* Exercise 30 min or more every day
* Calcium pills
* Vitamins
* Protein, protein, protein
* No carbonated beverages
* No drinking with meals
* No alcohol

Heart Apt.

The next step is an apt with a cardiologist. I have my apt. scheduled for the 25th. So far I've lost .6 of a pound because I found that making all of these changes as one time was near impossible so I am trying to implement things little by little now. I have already given up carbonated beverages. No easy task. This week I am focusing on drinking tea and taking my medications and supplements as I should be. Other things to tackle include: eating less, then moving to adding dairy daily, then adding protein drinks, drinking 80 oz of fluid every day and trying to learn to take smaller sips, adding in exercise, then going full bore into the Phase II diet plan which is mostly liquid protein drinks.

So I'll take that .6 because it shows my first step. I look forward to getting on the scale tomorrow now.

Starting in at....

331.0

That's my start weight. They want me to lose 30 pounds before surgery. So that's probably 10 weeks away then. I have to get bloodwork, a cardiac clearance, an EKG, and other things. I feel so discouraged today. I haven't felt this much like a failure yet. Tomorrow is a new day. Today the diet starts.

Caffine Machine

In preparation for a new lifestyle where caffeinated beverages are non-existant to me, I am cutting back to 1 per day until my surgery day is set. So far (2 days in) I am having severe headaches in the middle of the night. But it's just one little step for me. I will still be able to enjoy flattened sodas but we'll just see how that tastes. It may not be worth it.