Someone else noticed!

Today I saw a coworker that I haven't seen in months and she commented on how it looks like I've lost a lot of weight. I guess people that see you every day and see the changes little by little are less likely to notice. Someone that hasn't seen you in a long time, would be holding onto that last vision of you in their head, so the difference is more noticeable. Regardless, it felt nice and was from someone I wouldn't have expected.

Movie Popcorn

I went to the movie theatre last night and saw Snow White and the Huntsman. Man, movie graphics are getting so good these days. Constantly improving...So I got a small popcorn while at the movies. I had been mentally preparing myself all day and had a decent breakfast and lunch. Before heading to the multiplex, I thought about a MEDIUM popcorn and when the lady behind the counter offered to upgrade to a medium for just a dollar more, I thought about it for a split second..but I didn't think I'd be able to eat that much. I was right. I stuck with my small (so proud of myself) and couldn't finish that. It's such a small thing on the beginning on my journey, but I was so happy about a) sticking with my smaller size food portion b)not being able to finish it and c) hey, i saved a buck. yeah!

Regrouping today....

I haven't lost any weight in a month.

Therefore I need to regroup. Today I will:

• Focus on getting 80 oz of fluids



• Have a protein shake 3 times for 60 grams of protein a day




• Exercise for 30 minutes


I want to do this for the 2 1/2 weeks that my co-worker Caroline is out of the office and see what happens on the scale.

Sarasota Weekend

I was so excited to be getting out of town for the weekend. It's the only good thing about living here in Florida. There is so much to do and see. I started my adventure in Tampa, at the Taco Bus. I heard about it on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives. It's a neat little place that serves Mexican food out of a school bus ala food truck style. I had checked the menu ahead of time and had my heart set on the fish tacos but alas they were no longer on the menu. So I ordered up some spicy shrimp and was amazed at the portion size. These seasoned shelled shrimp were mighty! And the green salsa on the side was a spice doosey. It took me about 4 mintues to eat about 4-5 good sized shrimp. And the next 40 minutes were spent heaving out my guts in various parking lots all over Tampa. I threw up in the parking lot, Wendy's parking lot, a gas station parking lot, and some printing company parking lot. I felt completely miserable and I'm pretty convinced it was the spices that did me in.


I was surprised at how difficult it was to eat on this trip. So many wonderful seafood restuarants on the Gulf coast and I couldn't enjoy any of it. At the motel I was all psyched for room service, only they didn't have it when I got there. So I went down to the pool area in my swimsuit and coverup. All 297.8 pounds of me in my black and white polka dot swimsuit. I had a ceasar salad at the tiki bar. Then I sat by the pool - too ashamed of myself to get in the pool. You see, there was a teen's birthday party going on. About 20 teenagers in the area and various parents and other patrons. I was the biggest one at the pool. I wanted to hide. So I did - I sat in a corner under an umbrella and waited for the area to clear. I really think I'm more conscious of my weight now that I was 45 pounds ago. I let it get to me, and I left the pool without ever getting in depite it be in the 90s. And on the way back to my room, feeling lonely and dejected, what did I want? To eat. I ordered delivery from some Italian place and had 2 side salads and a handful of yummy pasta tortellini with marinara sauce. It tasted good and was hot. I wanted more than I could actually eat. And then the last bite came up.
The next day brought the beach. That was very very nice and relaxing. Watching the sand crabs really freak me out though. Too much like spiders running around silently. For lunch I hit up Sweet Tomatoes. I love that place. But the $10 price tag was too much for what I ate. I had some various salads, a taste of the chowder, and 1/2 a bowl of the chili. I was done eating before the guy ahead on me in line even sat down.

After some more beach time in Longboat Key, I made it to Cortez. I had to pee at a McDonalds. I went in and ended up ordering a diet coke (small) and a McFishwich. It tasted so good but I only ate 1/2 as I didn't want to throw up. The rest I threw out the window and watched the seagulls fight over it. I kind of wish we had seagulls in Orlando. They are entertaining. But my favorite is watching the pelicans dive for fish. I don't know how they don't get hurt. Ohh I also saw 2 dolphins off the Venice pier. They were very close to the pier. At first I thought the fin I saw was a shark.

On the way back from Tampa I stopped and got a Subway tuna sandwich. I ate about 1/3 in the truck on the way home and then when home, peeled off 1/2 the bread and ate the rest. Not a bad weekend food wise but I was disappointed by my loneliness and the weight issues that kept me from doing things I wanted to do (get in the pool, get in the surf, walk on the beach, eat in a Gulf restuarant. But I did get some new duds at a Lane Bryant outlet and I can't wait to wear them. Teal and Yellow skirts that are super cute (size 26). Now if I can just get the scale moving again in the right direction. Today still at 297.8 - stalled again.

Today someone noticed

Today someone noticed the weight loss....and it felt really really good.

I can walk!

Why yes, I can walk....and last night I did. For the second time since surgery 8 weeks ago I actually went for a walk and got some exercise. And maybe a conincidence or because of the extra activity, today the scale was down further than yesterday. Since it's Florida and it's about to be summer here - the afternoon thunderstorms will be starting shortly. I have decided that I will walk on days when the weather looks clear. On the other days, I will have to find something else to do. My head knows that I have only a few short months to really maximize my weight loss after surgery so it is time to get busy and get regular.

When do people notice?

I've lost about 45 pounds since early March. When the heck do people start to notice? My pal Gwynne has lost 40 and it really shows, she is wearing clothes that fit her and look good. She looks amazing. She's also about 100 pounds lighter than I am. Again today, someone complimented her and went on and on about it. She deserves it. I just want to know when people are going to notice like that for me. Then again, when that happens, it makes me wonder if people DO notice, they just opt not to say something about it. Maybe to not draw attention to the fact that I have so much more or to lose. Why compliment the fat chick after all. Maybe it's my introverted personality. I don't really know. Nor do I really care all that much but it sure makes me wonder sometimes. I'll be sure to note in my blog if/when it does start to happen to me.

On another note: breakfast - about 2 oz of salmon

snack - crackers

lunch - 3/4 slice of thick crust pizza - peperoni from papa john's (work lunch)

Confused about Friends

I have this friend of mine for about the past year who I go back and forth on. In the beginning months we had some good times together but something happened and I don't know what that made me change my feelings towards her at some point.

She's the only friend of mine here in Florida that I didn't tell about the weight loss surgery prior to it. But I did tell her about a week after it. I didn't tell her before because I couldn't imagine that she would be happy for me. I figured she would see it as a competition since she is also overweight. I've got about 80 pounds on her so I don't really get the mindset but whatever...anywhoozle I saw her yesterday. It's the second time I've seen her since the surgery. We spent several hours together and I've lost a total of 45 pounds since my heaviest. I know it shows. But did she say anything to me about it? No....not until I was getting out of her car at my apt...she said "your shirt is loose". My response "yes it is". Why'd she have to say something negative to me? Couldn't she ask about the number of pounds or say it shows in my clothes or my face or something not quite as pick-aparty as what she did. I don't get it. Time for a little distance I think.

Feeling bad

Stepped on the scale today and my weight is up by about 3 pounds. Where did that come from? I guess maybe I've been grazing too much. No more of that. I bought these awesome new (red) small salad plates with a Japanese motiff and i'm going to use those from now on as my official dinner plate. If its not on that plate, it doesn't get ate...

Also I've been hitting the carbs pretty hard for the last week. Time to put an end to that.


I really need to start tracking my water. I know I'm dehydrated. The lump in my throat makes it not fun to swallow but I have to do better on this front.

I showered last night and couldn't believe the amount of hair that came from my head. It's so alarming. You can't tell yet on me but still it is very concerning and makes one feel bad even though it was expected. I am having a very rough day today.

Re..Re. Reguritation

Talk about head hunger. I think I really noticed it last night. I was so hungry and am so sick of what I have recently been eating that I decided to order out. I purchased A LOT of food last night. I knew I'd only be able to have a single bite of each thing I ordered (buffalo shrimp, mashed potatoes, pasta, fried cheese/brocolli bites) but old habits kicked in and I ordered what I wanted. I didn't even make it to opening the pasta as I threw up three times last night. I would eat, throw up, eat some more, throw up...three times. WTH is wrong with me.

Today I did better so far. I had a few of the shrimp this morning and didn't throw up. I've been seriously craving a really great tuna sandwich recently so I ran out to pita pit at lunch. On the way back to work I had 3 or maybe 4 normal bites and then put the rest of the thing in the fridge at work. So far so good. No throwing up.

Bad me I also bought a diet coke. I know, no carbonated beverages, but I wanted one so I did it. I have yet to drink it.

Upcoming endoscopy

So I am having some complications apparently. I just figured these things were part of the process, but my Dr. thinks that at 7 weeks post-op RYN, I shouldn't be having these problems. My biggest compliant is this feeling like I have a golf ball in the back of my throat. It doesn't hurt but it is annoying and it causes me to not want to eat or drink anything. It's just a constant lump. I remember having this feeling before when I had a hiatial hernia - which somehow just went away at some point in my life.

Also, I have this pain whenever I eat or drink anything..it feels like when it hits my pouch, that I have just swallowed a handful of razorblades. It's so uncomfortable. It definately helps with curbing the appetite. So endoscopy here I come..June 13. I hope my insurance covers this.

Dreaded Scale

Day 4 of this stall I seem to be in. Time for more protein and water and to start exercising. This weekend I will do good on all fronts and I will weigh in on Monday to see where I am at. I really think I need to stay off the scale more than I am..it's slowly driving me insane. I thought the weight would be flying off of me, but it isn't. This is the longest stall I've had so far. Most days I weigh the same two days in a row, then show a loss. Not right now and it's greatly affecting my mood. Someone had work yesterday said to me "when was the last time you lost 30 pounds in 6 weeks?" so yes, I should be happy and I am, I just want more. I feel like I'm killing myself - feeling sick all the time, just plain not feeling well, feeling like I'm swallowing razor blades when i eat or drink - for no progress on the scale. Some people have these stalls go on for weeks!

Stalled?

How do you know when you are stalled when you are actually in it? How many days must you see the same number on the scale to make it a stall? This is day 3 of seeing 299.8. Yes I am happy that I am down 29.4 pounds since surgery 6 weeks ago. Yes I am happy that I hit twoterville this week. But shouldn't I be losing at a faster clip than I am?

Eating and drinking both make me feel sick to my stomach. Every single swallow hurts my belly. I know I am not taking in the needed protein numbers. I had a shake today to get that up a little bit. And I know my numbers for water are not good. Although I feel thirsty, it hurts to drink and I've lost my love of water. I guess I have no other choice other than to become even more in tune with "my numbers" than just my weight. I am going to have to start tracking protein and water. And maybe calories as well. I know they say if your calories drop too much, you stall. Is this where I am at? I can't wait to start seeing some bigger numbers. I really wanted to hit 40 pounds off in 8 weeks but that is looking like an impossibility. What to do ...what to do...

No tomatoes for me

Oh man I feel sick. 6 weeks now since surgery and today was the first day that I threw up at work. Let's see its about 3 days now since I hurled into an empty bag while driving. And I was so darn excited to be eating my own caprese salad made with mozzerella, tomatoes, and fresh basil. I ate at my desk and fought it off for a good 20 minutes or so before deciding to go outside and puke behind a bush. But I didn't make it that far. I belined for the restroom and waited until I was alone so I could throw up in peace and quiet. It felt like someone squeezed a tomato in my throat as I felt every seed and piece of skin come up. About 4 good heaves later and I was done. I think it was the skins. They were bothering me as I was eating them and yesterday with some grapes as well. Oh well, I shall try it again in a month.

Twoterville today

Today my weight dropped below 300 el.bees. I'm so happy that finally happened for me. I walked about a mile on Sat after I bought some spanking brand new running shoes. They were spiffy and left a spiffy blister on my poor foot. They went back to the store on Sunday where I returned the one pair and left with two. Go figure. Hopefully one of these pairs works out better for me. It's time to start walking. Last night I told myself I was too tired to go for that 30minute walk.



I felt like I could have cried when I stepped off that scale this morning. Finally. Progress. I haven't been this weight since around last July so this is a very good thing.


Also, this is was my Andy mourning weight. At 300 was the weight I was at the last time I was with him. I was so sad over the past year and eating made me feel better. Not really but it helped to pass the lonely time. Now my Andy mourning weight is off and I can concentrate on the next 10 pounds which is my art show weight. Last July I weighed 290 for my art show. I want to get this off in the next two weeks so that my 2 month post-surgery weight loss will be 40 el.bees. Wish me luck!

Hole no more

I went in for my 6 week check up today. I left feeling better than I have felt in the past 6 weeks. Time to start exercising at night. I can't wait. I figure if I start by walking during the week, and save my nightly call to my mom for my walk, it will motivate me to get moving each night. I'm almost down 30 pounds. So freaking close. I took a Ducolax last night and the damn dam broke wide open. Even had my very own "sharting" incident which may be TMI but I believe in full disclosure. Anywoo, the pound that I but on by eating corporate pizza was flushed away and I am at an all new post-surgery low. 300.4. So close to getting out of the 300's. So excited. I'm going to reward myself with a mani/pedi when I break through that barrier. I think I'll go for green toenails.... So the Dr. closed up my hole where my incision had decided to break open. One stitch was all it took. I'll start on a round of Cipro as well. No more super itchy band-aids covering the wholiest of holes. I'm feeling good.

Weight Gain

My god today I stepped on the scale and it was up .8 from yesterday. Yesterday work paid for lunch so I had one slice of meatsa meatsa pizza in two settings. It could have been from the pizza. It also could be from the fact that I haven't pooped in 2 days. Getting concerned about that now. I have to weigh in for the Dr. Kim show tomorrow and I wanted to be under 300. I'm so close to my first goal for myself. The weight loss is so damn slow right now though. I need to up my protein and start exercising and maybe those things will help.

The hard part is just beginning

I had my surgery one month ago. Time flies. As of today I am down 23.8 pounds. That's great news. I understand that 20 pounds is about average for RNY in the first month of recovery. My surgery went well. I had to have a second surgery the following day to deal with a pesky blood clot that was growing in my belly. Now I know what they mean when the say the belly is rigid. You could have bounced quarters off that thing that day. Seriously though, I could barely stand because I was so weak. They took me to imaging in a wheel chair and I couldn't stay awake during the ride. It was pretty bad. I didn't know I was slowly bleading out, only that I felt really lousy and tired. I am so grateful for my sister Cheryl. I don't know that I would have survived that week of hell without her being there. She slept in my room with me. Walked with me, rubbed my back and feet. Helped me out of bed every time. She was an angel. Thank you Cheryl. She even extended her stay by a few days to help me get on my feet at home. I was in the hospital having surgery on Monday and was released at noon on Friday. Since the surgery I have been in a moderate amount of pain. Hungry all the time and now that I am on soft foods I find that I want to eat more than I should. And so I throw it up. It's happened 5 or 6 times now. I just can't pass up that last bite and it all comes back up on me. What a drag to come this far and have that happen. I need to start moving my body some now that the pain is subsiding some. It'll help the weight come off and maybe it will tire me out to the point where I get a good nights sleep. Something that eludes me these days. Stay tuned to my progress. It really is a rollercoaster of a ride.

Encroaching

My date is coming up. Next Monday. 1 week from today. That is, if my surgeon says its ok. Instead of losing 30 pounds, I gained 15. Now I'm down about 10 of that. I'm really nervous that he is going to postpone the surgery. Two more nights without any sleep until I have a decision.

Cleared for surgery

I've got my cardiac clearance for surgery. My weight is up to around 340. (tied with Andy now). Now I have to get serious about losing weight before the surgery. My last meal was olive garden. I can't believe how much my mood has changed today. This is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm so excited right now. Things are finally moving when for weeks I felt like it was never going to happen for.

Now I get a surgery date, have to pay, blood work, chest x-ray, nutrition class. It's moving and shaking. Now I need to be to get some weight off so my fatty liver goes down a notch or two.

By the way, the Dr. told me today that I am pre-diabetic. I know that losing 10% of my body weight will help with that. Now I have a goal. 10% of my extra weight is about 20 pounds. Can I do that before my surgery date? Stay tuned.