Highway 305

Headed towards 305 right now. weighed in today at 310.0. I think today it really hit me how much I weigh. I'm not used to seeing numbers in the 300s and the shock of it really hit home. I hope it won't be long 2-3 weeks before I'm not in the 300s anymore.

Last night I had a soap making class. I worried about the chairs, then I worried about sliding off the chair. Then I worried about breaking the chair every time the thing creaked beneath me. Then I worried about passing people in the class because of where they were standing...was there enough room for me to get by them? This is running and ruining my life.

Dining Out

I think that all hostesses should be taught some people skills. If a large person enters your restaurant and wants to be seated, why do you take them to the tinniest booth in the place or a place that is so crowded with people, tables, and chairs that it resembles an airliner. Moreso than that, why do my friends not understand that going out to eat is traumatic for me. First of all there is the fear of being seated "will i fit in that booth?" as I eyeball all the tables around. Second, if I eat out, I will blow my diet. It only takes eating out a single time for me to remember how good food is and how much I miss it. And once that starts, it's so damn hard for me to catch it and stop it. Like a runaway train.

The only answer is for me to lose some and to watch what I eat when dining out. If I make salads an option, then that is better for me in more ways than one. And to lose some weight so I fit in the damn booths. Eventually maybe I won't have anxiety about being seated at all. That's a long road ahead of me but today has been good to me.