Sunday, May 30, 2010

Memorial Day 2010

I haven't logged in for a while. It's been over a year I think. I gave up on it. Like I do on many things. I guess I just can't give up on myself. The sad part is...I'm at the same damn weight now than I was a year ago. I don't know what happened but I hit 300 on Jan 1. Now I'm roughtly 282.0. So progress this year I guess. $100 towards shoes I wear once a week, $300 on fitness equipment. And my weight is the same. I'm using Livestrong to track calories and have it set to take off 4 pounds a week. I have to try to be aggressive. I am taking pills to help with the edge..what's it called..phentermine. Not Phen-Fen..Just Phen. It helps but makes my heart race and keeps me awake, but I have to take it to be on that strict Caloric intake.

Dating is a disaster. I have dated all of the guys in Orlando that like bigger girls. Now I have to lsoe weight to get the next crop of guys. I had a decent date last week and it was nice to feel sexy and deseriable after so long of not feeling that way. In the end, he felt I was too quiet and therefore judging although thats not the word he used. Sizing him up. In actuality, I didn't like myself and couldn't see why he would either. And that is why I have to do this.

My immediate goal is 275 which is where I was a week ago. But I had a bad binge week I couldn't turn off. 275-then 270. I go home in a month--I want to be 10 lighter by then, although 16 would be better at 4 pounds a week. Today I did 15 on the elliptical.

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